Without looking at your birth certificate — Maybe you’ve accepted your septuagenarian status or maybe you’re in denial about your advancing years. Either way, here are a few undeniable clues you’re getting old: As a kid, you’ll bend down to pick up a penny. As you get older, your pick-it-off-the-ground threshold changes. By early adulthood, you’ll probably…

A movie like no other — Ever on the lookout for an entertaining flick, I recently ran across this 2021 Rotten Tomatoes straight-to-video entry for what one critic called “the most unanticipated movie of the year.” THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY Tomatometer 16% Audience Score 35% Critic Consensus: The Trump Presidency abandons the predictable narrative usually found in historical dramas and…

The mainstream media and The Donald try to work things out — First, I’d like to congratulate both parties for agreeing to engage in family counseling. It’s not every couple that recognizes the problems in their union and is willing to take a chance that mediation can save and even strengthen their relationship. Thanks to the Mainstream Media for being here. May…

My truly reasonable request for recompense — To the Editor: I am not one to lightly take up a pen to seek redress. But as a faithful reader of your august publication, I find that I now have no option. Allow me to explain. The offense of which I speak occurred last Sunday when I purchased that…

With apologies to George Carlin — Back in the first year of Donald Trump’s presidency, in order not to annoy the White House, the budget staff at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reportedly banned the use of the following seven words: “vulnerable”, “entitlement”, “diversity”, “transgender”, “fetus”, “science-based” and “evidence-based.” Not exactly George Carlin’s “Seven…

And if you’re a Boomer, so are your words — If you’re a child of the 60s, you’re likely familiar with all manner of words and sayings that have long outgrown their utility. Here’s a revised list that might help you better navigate your own 60s and possibly your 70s: Don’t trust anyone over 30. Don’t talk to anyone under…

A new color-coded national warning system — Remember the Homeland Security Advisory System? That was the five-color chart issued by the Department of Homeland Security after 9/11 to advise folks of the current threat level and to trigger preventative actions by federal, state, and local governments. That system was retired in 2011 and replaced by the National…

Living la vida vieja — At 73, I’m looking ahead to 80. A friend ten years my senior has already warned me what to expect. I don’t doubt there will be more conditions, diseases, and health concerns to look forward to. …

I’d love to help you out, but….. — An old discarded memo was recently discovered in a bathroom of the Mar-a-Lago resort: MEMORANDUM — August 1, 2017 TO: President Donald J. Trump FROM: The Department of Justice RE: Firing of Robert Mueller Dear Mr. President: I acknowledge receipt of your memorandum of July 29th requesting that I fire…