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David Martin
David Martin

2.4K Followers

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Published in Crow’s Feet

·Pinned

What I’ve Learned At 65

With age comes wisdom…..sort of — Here are just a few of the things I’ve learned since turning 65: I miss my old job like I miss the flu. I envy the strength of a teenage male’s urine flow rather than his sexual prowess. You can live on less than you thought. Why use a harsh…

Humor

3 min read

What I’ve Learned At 65
What I’ve Learned At 65
Humor

3 min read


Published in Crow’s Feet

·Pinned

How to Tell You’re Over 70

Without looking at your birth certificate — Maybe you’ve accepted your septuagenarian status or maybe you’re in denial about your advancing years. Either way, here are a few undeniable clues you’re getting old: As a kid, you’ll bend down to pick up a penny. As you get older, your pick-it-off-the-ground threshold changes. By early adulthood, you’ll probably…

Aging

3 min read

How to Tell You’re Over 70
How to Tell You’re Over 70
Aging

3 min read


Published in Politically Speaking

·21 hours ago

Winter Blockbusters

What happens when politicians take pen in hand — Winter is here and that means it’s time to enjoy some quiet time indoors while the snow falls outside. And that means finding the right books to read while relaxing in front of a roaring fire. A recent trend in bestsellers is the politician-penned political novel like Bill Clinton’s thriller…

Fiction

3 min read

Winter Blockbusters
Winter Blockbusters
Fiction

3 min read


Published in In for a Penny

·2 days ago

Top Reasons Republicans Love George Santos

Sometimes a serial liar can come in handy — It seems surprising that the Republican Party is not asking for the resignation of serial liar George Santos. But there are reasons why. Here are the top ones: 1. House Speaker Kevin McCarthy only has a majority of five and thus needs every vote he can get. 2. Ted Cruz…

Listicles

2 min read

Top Reasons Republicans Love George Santos
Top Reasons Republicans Love George Santos
Listicles

2 min read


Published in Open Letters To

·3 days ago

Open Letter to My Local Supermarket

The installation of self-checkouts was the last straw — Dear Local Supermarket, I’ve been inclined to cut you some slack during the pandemic. After all, it’s been tough to retain employees, inflation is high, and supply chain issues continue to plague the industry. I just assumed that you and your chain were doing your best to serve the public…

Open Letter

3 min read

Open Letter to My Local Supermarket
Open Letter to My Local Supermarket
Open Letter

3 min read


Published in Age of Empathy

·4 days ago

Never Cared for Dead Bodies

Who wants to look at lifeless forms? — I’ve never cared much for dead bodies. Never have. Likely never will. Not that I’ve had much experience gazing at lifeless forms but that word “lifeless” kind of says it all. If life has left a body, what’s the sense in looking at it? Not everyone agrees with this point…

Death

3 min read

Never Cared for Dead Bodies
Never Cared for Dead Bodies
Death

3 min read


Published in Politically Speaking

·Jan 21

How to Run for President

Try this audio course for three easy payments of $99 — Have you always wanted to run for president but were afraid to try? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to take the oath of office for the most powerful position on the planet? Well, wonder no more because now there’s our new audio course called “How to…

President

3 min read

How to Run for President
How to Run for President
President

3 min read


Published in The Haven

·Jan 19

Open Letter to Mona Fortier

She’s Canada’s dog-hating President of the Treasury Board — As public servants return to office, some decry lack of clarity, long commutes - The Canadian Press headline — January 16, 2023 Dear Mona, Ruff, ruff, and bow wow to you. I’m taking pen in paw to register my annoyance at your ill-thought-out and shortsighted plan to have Canadian federal employees return to the workplace at least two or three days a week.

Covid 19

3 min read

Open Letter to Mona Fortier
Open Letter to Mona Fortier
Covid 19

3 min read


Published in Crow’s Feet

·Jan 16

Expensive Seniors Dragging Us Down

A modest proposal for our cost-cutting Republican friends — Healthcare costs are skyrocketing and it’s mostly due to a demographic shift in favor of our older citizens. As more and more people live longer and longer, governments have to fork out larger and larger expenditures to keep them alive. With the over-65 crowd already comprising more than 16 percent…

Healthcare

2 min read

Expensive Seniors Dragging Us Down
Expensive Seniors Dragging Us Down
Healthcare

2 min read


Published in Blow Your Stack

·Jan 16

Hey Generation Z!

Stop your whining and complaining — Dear Generation Z, That’s right; I’m talking to you via something called a handwritten letter. Something you’ve got no friggin’ idea of what it is. Look, I don’t mind a little whining and kvetching but, from where I sit, your complaints about us Baby Boomers have gotten way out of…

Generation Z

4 min read

Hey Generation Z!
Hey Generation Z!
Generation Z

4 min read

David Martin

David Martin

2.4K Followers

Wordsmith, humorist and author of “Dare to be Average” on Amazon. Support Dave’s writing by joining Medium: https://daretobeaverage.medium.com/membership

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