With more age comes more wisdom….sort of

Photo of the 71-year-old author

Since writing “What I’ve Learned at 65”, I’ve added five more years and learned even more as in:

I’d rather be 65.

I still miss my old job like I miss the flu.

At 70, routine is king.

There’s a big difference between prostate and prostrate.

You spend way too much time on WebMD.

Any hair lost on the head seems to magically reappear on the back.

Bend over slowly or you might not get up.

If you always look up at the stars you may miss the dog poop at your feet.

It’s even odds whether you outlive your…


With age comes wisdom…..sort of

Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash

Here are just a few of the things I’ve learned since turning 65:

I miss my old job like I miss the flu.

I envy the strength of a teenage male’s urine flow rather than his sexual prowess.

You can live on less than you thought.

Why use a harsh word when a threat of legal action will do?

When you’re retired, you’ve got all the time in the world to deal with customer service reps.

Love like you’ve been hurt, sing only under protest and don’t dance regardless of who’s watching particularly if you don’t want to throw your…


TAX FOLLIES

The IRS now lets you know where your taxes go

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

With the impending IRS filing deadline of May 17th, most of us are likely griping about the taxes we have to pay and how they’ll just be wasted on all manner of frivolous things. Yet few of us do anything about it.

The reason, of course, is that we see little connection between the individual four or five-figure tax bill we pay and the billions of dollars that get spent on who knows what. There may be lots of waste but it all appears somewhat opaque.

Well what if we changed the way government spending is tracked and started allotting…


TALES FROM TRUMPLAND

Trump’s new Mini-Me

Creative Commons license Gage Skidmore

In the ongoing celebrification of America, there’s talk of all manner of stars running for President in 2024. Stars like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Matthew McConaughey and even the My Pillow Guy.

But the one potential celebrity candidate that elicits the most emotion from both the right and the left is the Prince of Primetime on FOX News, Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson. Unlike the other celebrity pretenders to the throne, Carlson lays full claim to the Trumpist base.

And rightly so for Tucker Carlson is as close to being a Donald Trump clone as you can get next to Eric…


I love my wife but……

Photo by Peyda Hirori on Unsplash

I’m not a camper; never have been. So, I was surprised years ago to find myself heading off to the wilderness with my girlfriend (now wife) to spend a weekend in a lakeside tent.

The first task, of course, was to make lists. For some reason, campers revel in this aspect of the preparation phase. You have to make a list of the food you’ll need, a list of the clothing to bring and a list of the necessary equipment. I resisted the urge to make a list of the horrors and disasters I anticipated.

Next came the packing phase…


HOOKED ON NUMBERS

How to stop obsessing and get back to writing

Photo by Szabo Viktor on Unsplash

As a Medium newbie, I’ve been concentrating on increasing my writing production. I’m pleased to report that I’ve managed to average about one published piece a day since joining the platform in January.

I’ve experienced acceptance from a wide variety of publications and a number of my pieces have been chosen for further distribution. And, much to my surprise, a recent piece entitled “What I’ve Learned At 65” earned me thousands of views and reads for the first time.

The one thing I haven’t done yet is write a piece about Medium or what might be called a Meta-Medium story…


Preaching to the fiscal choir

(Photo by Patrick Weissenberger on Unsplash)

“It’s not a question of whether people should have religion; it’s a question of what kinds of religion they’re going to end up having……If you spend all your time watching the stock market, your religion is the stock market.”

-Interview of novelist Margaret Atwood — Bloomberg News

Welcome fiscal parishioners to the First Church of the New York Stock Exchange. As always, we will begin our service today with the ceremonial ringing of The Bell.

It is Monday and we give thanks once again for the beginning of a new week. Remember always that each financial week is a gift…


FUN WITH MONOPOLIES

Navigating customer service

Photo by Alex Kotliarskyi on Unsplash

One of modern life’s minor annoyances is the telephone tree, that confusing menu of choices presented when you call some government office or service provider for assistance. Typically you press different numbers in hopes of finding an answer only to fall deeper and deeper into the automated electronic rabbit hole with little or no chance of ever speaking to a real, live human being. Wouldn’t it be nice to experience a convenient, truly user-friendly version, one perhaps like this:

Welcome to Your Giant Monopoly Utility Provider. We know you have no choice but to use our service but we’re not…


NOT A LOVE STORY

Some assembly required

Photo by Semen Borisov on Unsplash

Like most North Americans, I’ve shopped at IKEA. With clever furniture designs and reasonable prices, it’s a bargain hunter’s delight. And when you throw in those cute Swedish names for each and every item, it’s downright irresistible.

But as with many bargains, there’s a catch. And in the case of IKEA, the catch is that you have to assemble your purchase.

Now, in most cases, this turns out to be no big deal. Buy a table; cart it home in a box and in half an hour you’ve got yourself a sturdy piece of pine furniture.

Over the years, I’ve…


Find your new career today

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

Although some economic indicators are encouraging, it’s still a tough slog out there for young graduates looking for employment. Burdened with student loans, many of these folks assume that they need even more training to get a job and are thus getting deeper and deeper into debt.

But that assumption is not necessarily true. Even though we live in a new high-tech era, from where I sit, I still see lots of high-paying jobs that need little or no training. Jobs like:

Economic forecaster

Here’s a job that requires no expertise and no results. Of the thousands of private sector…

David Martin

David Martin has published several humor collections including “Dare to be Average” and “Screams and Whispers”, all of which are available on Amazon.

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