How to spot a retiree

Comedian Jeff Foxworthy has made a nice living from his shtick “You might be a redneck if…….” As in, “You might be a redneck if you’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.”

What Mr. Foxworthy has done for rednecks, I’d like to do for retired guys…

With age comes wisdom…..sort of

Here are just a few of the things I’ve learned since turning 65:

I miss my old job like I miss the flu.

I envy the strength of a teenage male’s urine flow rather than his sexual prowess.

You can live on less than you thought.

Why use a harsh…

With more age comes more wisdom….sort of

Since writing “What I’ve Learned at 65”, I’ve added five more years and learned even more as in:

I’d rather be 65.

I still miss my old job like I miss the flu.

At 70, routine is king.

There’s a big difference between prostate and prostrate.

You spend way too…

How to distract Trump from his dangerous agenda

For many Americans, these are scary days as the unpredictable con man, Donald Trump, threatens both the nation and the world with his unceasing tirades and lies. …

Today’s kids have it so easy.

Kids today. What can I tell you? All they do is complain. As in “I don’t have enough money” or “I don’t own my own car” or “My cell phone battery just died.”

For those of us over seventy, we know what real hardship is. After all, we didn’t grow…


With any luck, we will not see his kind again

Good afternoon and welcome to the retirement lunch for Dave Martin. I’m Bill Rankin, the Director of Western Operations. Since neither our CEO Chet Weston nor Dave’s boss Steve Lester could be here and because I drew the short straw, I’ll be emceeing today’s festivities. …

Zuckerberg looks to get Congress off his back

Rumors abound that Facebook is looking to change its name to minimize recent bad press and to forestall any regulatory action by Congress. Netflix is also in trouble due to its CEO’s mishandling of the Dave Chappelle controversy.

Media commentators are speculating as to what new name Facebook will adopt…

President Biden and Congress help trim the deficit

Congress recently managed to avoid a debt crisis but only until early December. Thus, with America once again racing towards the fiscal cliff, both sides finally got down to some serious negotiating this week. …

Updating a few dictionary entries

To dictionary editors,

I know you’re probably busy with your Word of the Day and Word of the Year selections not to mention your regular updates, amendments and revisions but I feel I must bring to your attention what appears to be an egregious oversight. …

I’m tired of hearing from 80-year-old marathoners

As a humor writer in his 70s, I enjoy poking fun at the foibles and failings of those in my demographic including myself. Rather than wallow in the potential self-pity of aging, I prefer to wring a chuckle or two out of our decline.

A few people accuse me of…

David Martin

David Martin has published several humor collections including “Dare to be Average” and “Screams and Whispers”, all of which are available on Amazon.

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