Without looking at your birth certificate — Maybe you’ve accepted your septuagenarian status or maybe you’re in denial about your advancing years. Either way, here are a few undeniable clues you’re getting old: As a kid, you’ll bend down to pick up a penny. As you get older, your pick-it-off-the-ground threshold changes. By early adulthood, you’ll probably…

Assuming the guy ever dies — Journalists and litigators have had little luck trying to access Donald Trump’s tax returns but it looks like someone has managed to acquire a copy of his will if the following leaked document can be believed: Last Will and Testament of Donald John Trump I, Donald John Trump, presently of Mar-a-Lago in the fabulous state of Florida, declare…

Making a personal statement with a hair logo — It has often been said that you can divine a man’s character from the clothes he wears. But if “clothes make the man,” his true defining feature is his haircut. It’s his personal statement to the world. Our hair identifies who we are or who we’d like to be. There’s…

Donald Trump’s latest opus — Many people are familiar with Donald Trump’s book The Art of the Deal. Few if any, however, are aware of his soon-to-be-released opus The Art of the Insult. A brief review of this hard-to-obtain work helps to explain The Donald’s performance in past and current campaigns. Mr. Trump reveals for…

Ted Cruz sheds his Canadian roots — “I probably like Ted Cruz more than most of my colleagues like Ted Cruz, and I hate Ted Cruz.” - former Senator Al Franken It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost nine years since Ted Cruz’s Canadian citizenship was officially cancelled on May 14, 2014. When it was revealed…

What to get for the man who has everything — I’ll be turning 73 later this week and I’m hearing that annual query: “What do you want for your birthday?” Years ago, I always had a ready answer like a Red Ryder BB gun at age ten, a Honda 50cc motorcycle at age 16, an acoustic guitar at age 19…

Including “The Peacock, Twitter, and the Fox” — Aesop, the ancient Greek slave and storyteller, created numerous character-based fables, each ending with a moral. If he were alive today, he might be telling the following tales: The Peacock, Twitter, and the Fox A vain Peacock once announced that he wanted to become president. Everyone laughed and said it was a joke and that he…

Trump still worried about an Oprah candidacy — “The best polling celebrity, no surprise, is Oprah Winfrey.” — Yonkers Times — May 9, 2021 Although Donald Trump has for years been publicly dismissive of a presidential run by Oprah Winfrey, the following leaked memo suggests he may be taking such a possibility far more seriously than he lets…

Wherein I escalate my war with the streaming service — Netflix is pissing me off, big time. Since they feel that they’re not making enough money, they’ve decided to hunt down password sharers, cut them loose, and then rake in the dough when the cuttees come crawling back begging for their own memberships. As previously mentioned in my first-round story…