REVOLTING HINTS

How to overthrow a state with ease

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Welcome and thank you for buying Coups d’État for Dummies. If you’re in the market for a coup, a putsch or a revolt, you’ve come to the right place; this book has everything you need to start a governmental overthrow.

First things first; you have to find a nation state with a weak or convoluted political structure. For example, look for a country that instead of electing its leader by popular vote uses some bizarre indirect method with guaranteed inequitable results.

If you’re lucky, you can use that shaky structure as your lead-in to a revolution. Adopting an autocratic persona…


It’s even nastier than Bush Withdrawal Syndrome

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The following is an urgent bulletin from the CDC:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Bulletin № 2021–01–20

RE: Trump Withdrawal Syndrome warning

In the midst of the current pandemic, it’s easy to forget other potential health issues which are more limited in scope. In particular, we are today warning about a serious matter potentially affecting hundreds of individuals: Trump Withdrawal Syndrome.

Trump Withdrawal Syndrome or TWS can affect anyone but is most worrisome in the case of political satirists, particularly those heavily addicted to Donald J. Trump. …


Don’t just wash your hands but also wash your feet

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Like a broken record, medical experts have been warning us about COVID-19 and endlessly repeating the holy triad of preventative measures: wash your hands, wear a mask and socially distance. But there are other precautions you can take to avoid contracting the coronavirus:

* Avoid anyone wearing a red ball cap emblazoned with the slogan “Make America Great Again.” The indoor campaign rally held in Tulsa, Oklahoma last June was just another indication that Trump supporters are pandemic deniers and unconcerned about possibly spreading the virus. Consider that red hat a flashing emergency alarm and stay far away.

* In…


Not me and I’m over 70

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I’m 71, just received my first vaccination shot and should be feeling happy and relieved. Well I am feeling happy and relieved but I’m also feeling guilty. Why? Because others deserved to get their first shot before me and instead will have to wait a couple of months or more.

It occurred to me that here in Ontario the government has badly bungled the vaccination rollout. The province’s priority scheme is seriously out of whack.

They did get it right when it comes to healthcare workers and first responders. Given the elevated risk those folks face on a daily basis…


WORKPLACE LINGO

Using animal idioms at the office

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Boy, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in that meeting. Not that it would have taken a fly to see the elephant in the room. Or the 800-pound gorilla, for that matter.

But I was dog-tired and, after having had a whale of a time the previous night and getting drunk as a boiled owl, I was sick as a dog and in no mood to watch the boss perform his dog and pony show.

Much as I would have liked to have attended the meeting, I wasn’t going to be pigheaded or bullheaded and…


PERIODICAL FOLLIES

Magazines that endorsed Donald Trump

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“Scientific American backs Biden for its first presidential endorsement in 175 years”

- Washington Post headline — September 15, 2020

In what some called a surprising move, the oldest continuously published magazine in the United States endorsed a presidential candidate for the first time. Typically, the lamestream media gave prominence to a leftwing, science-based periodical and completely ignored the many other magazines which endorsed Donald Trump. Here are just a few of those publications:

Conspiracy Theory Digest

The wealth of conspiracy theories promoted by the President made it almost imperative that Conspiracy Theory Digest give its full editorial support to…


Wherein Donald Trump critiques his employer

Photo by Matt Seymour on Unsplash

Apparently, like many other employers, The United States of America likes to use that modern human resources tool, the exit interview, if the following leaked transcript from early January is accurate:

Thank you, sir, for agreeing to meet with me.

No problem. Sorry about the initial rude greeting and the weapons frisk. You can’t be too careful these days.

First, just out of curiosity, why are there banks of sandbags next to each doorway?

Just a standard precaution in case the enemy tries to get in.

OK, let’s get started. First question: Why did you begin looking for another job…


Seven simple rules to avoid online embarrassment

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For those over sixty, modern electronic technology can be a challenge. From remembering your Amazon password to how to set your PVR, baby boomers often find it difficult to navigate today’s digital universe.

Nowhere is that challenge more apparent than with Zoom, the popular cloud-based, peer-to-peer software platform used for videotelephonic services. Or as baby boomers call it: that Zoom thing.

Luckily, boomers seldom have a problem signing in to Zoom since there’s usually at least one person under sixty in their online group with basic Internet skills. However, they sometimes do have problems abiding by basic social rules and…


SIXTIES STUDIES

An interdisciplinary analysis of the Fab Four

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Good morning students and welcome once again to “Beatles Lyrics 101”, an in-depth analysis of the lyrics of various Beatles songs. Just as Shakespeare is replete with linguistic riddles from the 17th century, so, too, does the discography of the four mop tops from Liverpool present us with lyrical puzzles from the 20th century.

I have begun grading your papers on the meaning of the lyrics of “Hey Jude” and I expect to have them back to you by next week. …


Especially the failed ones

Photo by Library of Congress on Unsplash

For over 200 years, Americans had the good sense to elect non-businesspeople to the presidency. Typically, U. S. presidents have been chosen from among the ranks of lawyers, generals and career politicians.

There’s a reason why that was a good idea: such folks had the experience and expertise to govern. Businesspeople, on the other hand, did not and that, I submit, is the primary reason that the country has been in rough shape for much of this new century.

The new millennium started out with the contested election of America’s first MBA president, George W. Bush. The Harvard business school…

David Martin

David Martin has published several humor collections including “Dare to be Average” and “Screams and Whispers”, all of which are available on Amazon.

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